There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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