I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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