I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
