worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize