I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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