Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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