He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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