Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
