Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
