We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
