Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You are a genius and a whore.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
