piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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