Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
