Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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