i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
