so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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