It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
