I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
