She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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