Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
