worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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