i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
