the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
