meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
