I think I won the penis lottery.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
