god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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