Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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