my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
