update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
