Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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