So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
