we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
