I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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