At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
