Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize