Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
