apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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