and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
