I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
