im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
