Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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