I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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