I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
