i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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