You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I want is dick and wine.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
