Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
