her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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