I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
