I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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