i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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