I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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