Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
