That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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