Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
this will be a night to untag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
