Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
