a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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