If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize