And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
