well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
