I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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