smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
