dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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