conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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