I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
