Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Randomize
