tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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