I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
