you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
