I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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