I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
