I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Success! We fucked roommates!
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