Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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