Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
